Pregnancy is one of the most important and beautiful phases in your life, and if everything goes smoothly, can bring with it much joy and happiness.
Most people look forward to that moment; when they get to hold their own baby in their arms. But for some, the journey to parenthood can be a long and difficult one, and many people are going through this.
Staying positive is a lot easier said than done. Difficulty getting pregnant is not something that anyone prepares for. When you make the decision to start trying for a baby, those early weeks are filled with hopes and dreams. Plans are made and names are considered, and every family you see or any baby you meet seems to be a sign—a life that is soon to be your own. This positivity and hopefulness, filled with belief and confidence in what is sure to happen soon may even last for a few months. But when you have month after month of disappointment, positivity and confidence are long gone. Each month is a cycle of conflict and emotional turmoil, filled with doubt about what the future may hold. Staying positive can become a huge challenge and that can actually make getting pregnant even more difficult. The elevated stress levels caused by this constant negativity can harm your relationships and actually negatively impact your immune health and thereby your fertility.
Multiple studies have found that levels of stress among women struggling to get pregnant are actually similar to those with life-threatening diseases, like cancer and heart disease. A recent study found significantly higher levels of anxiety and depression in women whose cause of infertility was female. When the cause of infertility is exclusively female, women experience higher levels of anxiety both before and during treatment, which may be associated with a sense of guilt (Masseroti et al 2019).
Anxiety and stress can have a physical effect, and the mind and body are undoubtedly connected. If cortisol levels are too high, it will be much more unlikely for you to be able to conceive. A positive mind leads to positive outcomes. It is therefore particularly important for women facing fertility issues to be happy and positive. Changing your mindset to a positive one is easier said than done. If you’re having trouble being positive, the following tips may help.
BE KIND TO YOURSELF
One of the biggest mistakes people make when they are struggling with fertility is succumbing to negative thoughts, such as:
- “It’s my fault.”
- “I am letting my partner down.”
- “I am a failure.”
- “Maybe I’m just not meant to have kids.”
- “I will never have a baby.”
Just consider this scenario: If someone confided in you that they were struggling, would you blame them for infertility or sympathise with them? Almost certainly you would console them. But what’s the difference between that person needing compassion, and yourself?
Nothing.
So the next time you talk in an unfavourable way to yourself, imagine you are saying the same thing to a friend, colleague or even yourself as a young child. It would be so much harder to disrespect yourself and you might just encourage some positive thoughts.
REFUSE TO BE YOUR OWN WORST ENEMY
It is natural to protect yourself by being overly pessimistic about your situation; many couples avoid getting their hopes raised each time they get one step closer to pregnancy. This may be especially true for couples who have been through one or more miscarriages or failed IVF attempts.
A cautious approach where you remind yourself of the IVF clinic success rates and the possibility that you won’t get pregnant may actually be doing more harm than good to your mental health. Allowing yourself to imagine a happier future with the possibility of a family can be a positive experience; just don’t judge yourself for your optimism.
TALKING OPENLY TO YOUR PARTNER
Talking about your emotions, and voicing your own needs is crucial to maintaining both respect and a strong bond with your partner, which is central to beginning the journey towards a new pregnancy after a miscarriage or failed IVF attempt.
Because men do not experience the physical symptoms of a menstrual cycle, it can sometimes be difficult for them to understand the emotions that women experience going through fertility investigations. While you may feel that getting pregnant is just a matter of time, your partner may feel that pregnancy is an unreachable goal. However, it is important to listen to your partner and reassure her that it is okay to be upset. Understanding your partner’s feelings is vital to regaining her sense of confidence and optimism, and helps her to work through the uncertainty of infertility.
Mutual support and understanding are key to a more fulfilling relationship, and talking together and tears are healing. Acknowledging the sadness and difficulties of your hopes and dreams for the future is important, and don’t be afraid to cry. It might take time, but it will lead to a greater self-awareness and a happier, closer bond with your partner.
BLOCK OUT NEGATIVITY
The key to positivity is stopping your negative thinking before your emotional well being is affected.
Engaging in activities that help to lower stress and anxiety may be a good option for you. Physical activity helps your body release endorphins. These act like natural painkillers in your brain. Moving your body is one of the most recommended ways to manage stress. Just do what you love! Anything that gets your body moving can help, such as walking, running, yoga, swimming or dancing around the room to your favourite music. Aerobic activity for as short as five minutes has been shown to have positive benefits, but speak with your midwife before starting a new exercise routine during pregnancy.
Other tactics include letting your thoughts “float by” without dwelling on them or diving into another activity, such as a chore you’ve been putting off. Anything that re-directs your thoughts.
That being said, it’s not good to repress your feelings in the long-term. Try setting these feelings aside for a private moment of reflection, perhaps when you’re taking a shower or bath, or a conversation with your partner. Then you are still processing your emotions without letting them control your life.
COPE WITH CURRENT EMOTIONS
Maybe you cannot help but feel sad, angry or resentful. That’s okay – people have natural variations in their mental states, and for some, their brain chemistry can make it more challenging to be positive during the hard times. If you find yourself struggling with your emotions, these solutions may help:
- Exercise – Even a small amount of regular exercise, like walking, can improve your mood.
- Practicing mindfulness – Meditation and stress-reducing exercises like yoga and tai chi can help you let go of tension. Get out in nature.
- Write a journal – Writing down your feelings is an effective way to get worrying thoughts out of your head and onto paper. Sometimes you may not feel like talking. All those thoughts need somewhere to go. Try starting a journal where you can let out your feelings without fear of judgment. You may find that writing down your thoughts and feelings helps you organize or prioritize your worries and fears.
- Do what you love – Find a hobby that makes you happy and make time in your day to do what you enjoy.
- Psychotherapy – A counsellor can help guide you through any negative emotions or mental health issues you may have and give you the tools to manage your mental health.
- Group therapy – Knowing others are going through the same struggle can help you feel less isolated and build your sense of community.
Conclusion
Dealing with infertility is difficult. It is very hard to stay happy in such tough times. But one can try staying happy and positive by following some of the techniques mentioned above. After all, a positive mind is needed to get a positive outcome.
Reference:
- Massarotti C., Gentile G., Ferreccio C., Scaruffi P., Remorgida V., Anserini P. Impact of infertility and infertility treatments on quality of life and levels of anxiety and depression in women undergoing vitro fertilization. Gynecol. Endocrinol. 2019;35:485–489. doi: 10.1080/09513590.2018.1540575.